1. “MY HUMAN DOESN’T POOP but he collects my poop in a bag! Help him please! I can’t poop enough for us both! I am worried”
2. Dog: hello – I’d like to report missing humans.
Doggy 911: how long have they been missing?
Dog: somewhere between 5 minutes and 2 years, I don’t really know, I have no sense of time.
Doggy 911: ok sir, what you’ll need to do is run around and panic and bark, then continually scratch at the door until you’ve created a hole for you to escape your inevitable death and find your humans.
Dog: got it thanks!
3. “Help! There’s someone in the house and they keep doing the exact same things I’m doing, but reversed! They also look just like me!”
4. “SOMEBODY PARKED MY NEIGHBOR’S CAR AT MY NEIGHBOR’S HOUSE!!!!!!!! AND NOW THEY’RE GOING INTO MY NEIGHBOR’S HOUSE!!!!!!”
5. 911: “What’s your emergency?”
Dog: “I’ve been abandoned. I can’t leave the building to get help.”
911: ” Okay, just relax. How long have you been left alone?”
Dog: “Since the dawn of time.”
911: “Do you have enough food and water to survive until the dog-police arrive?”
Dog: “My food dish is full and the drinking fountain is working perfectly.”
911: “So no food or water at all?”
Dog: “Literally nothing.”