The 15 Signs That You Are A Total Puppy Stalker

Maybe it’s dog envy. Maybe you just had a great experience as a kid and then that love overflowed into stalkerish territory. Maybe you’re practicing to be a covert agent for the PIA (puppy intelligence agency). Who knows why? Doesn’t matter if you already HAVE your own pup. It’s just this awful, awful sickness you never want cured. Here are 15 signs you’re a total frickin’ puppy stalker.

1. When you see a cute dog on the street, you follow them…

Image via FrenchieChronicles

…for the rest of their walk.

2. You not only know every single dog instagram ever…

Image via @harlowandsage

…you’ve photobombed some of them.

3. You’re the person that spouts off useless knowledge about dogs at whim.

Image via Popchart Lab

And then find an IRL version RIGHT THEN just to prove your point.

4. There are dogs in your neighborhood that follow YOU.

Image via Giphy

Because you’ve seduced them with treats behind their pup parents’ backs.

5. You know every single dog’s name within a 10-mile radius of your house.

Image via People Pets

You have no idea who their hoomans are though.

6. You’re at the dog park Every. Single. Day.

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You actually kind of live there.

7. The local rescue groups and shelters know you by name.

Image via 6 Legs Foundation

Because you’re constantly trolling their sites.

8. When a dog you’ve been pimping out on social media gets adopted…

Image via @socialteesnyc

…you’re the FIRST person to offer congrats to the new puppy parents. Even though they have no idea who you are. Or how you found their PRIVATE Instagram.

9. The Queen of England has an APB out on you.

Image via Olivia Huynh

Because that hand? That’s yours.

10. When you see a cute little puppy gamboling along, you take a picture.

Image via DogSpotting Facebook

Then you upload it to DogSpotting with you photoshopped in as their hooman. Or actually, you would but the page has banned you. So you have your own Tumblr now filled with pictures of you and other people’s pups.

11. Your Netflix queue consists of everything doge.


It’s a little ridiculous. You also constantly have Dogs 101 on in the background.

12. The wallpaper on your laptop is puptastic.


It’s the slideshow that keeps growing and growing and growing. In fact, you’ve crashed your computer multiple times because of the amount of adorable pup pics you save.

13. The holiday card you send out to people this year is just a group pic of pups.

Image via OutsideOnline

And only one of them is yours. (Sort of. It’s your mom and dad’s new puppy. That counts, right?).

14. You talk about puppies constantly.

Image via @spudandlunchbox

Even in your sleep.

15. Finally, people call you the Dog Whisperer.

Image via Dog Training Techniques

And no, it’s not because of your super-duper training skillz. It’s because you creepily whisper things like, “Cuuute,” “I looooove you,” and “My precious” into dogs ears whenever you see them.


Which numbers are you guilty of? Sound off by clicking the “Share” button now!